Wedding Day Bloopers - Part 1

There is no such thing as a perfect day, just like a flawless wedding day doesn't really exist. Things are going to happen on a wedding day and things are going to happen every other day for the rest of your marriage. 

We want our clients to have as close as possible to the perfect wedding day, and to that end, we can usually be found behind the scenes, handling any mishaps while the newlyweds are blissfully unaware.  Post-honeymoon, over drinks, we share the hilarious stories of what actually went down that the couple never knew about on the day.  Oh boy, y’all, I could write I book!  In fact, one day I probably will, and I promise there will be no shortage of vodka-filled, tear-inducing, cringe-worthy moments of laughter!

In our Meet the Team description, I write, “On an event day, I am the wizard behind the machine that makes everything run (and if it breaks, I am the mechanic that fixes it without you ever knowing).”  Well, my mechanic jumpsuit is a black cocktail dress and most of the time I’m just a grease monkey in the back of the house in some contorted position with part of my Spanx showing and sweat pooling in my lycra as I try to fix, lift, carry, sew, or otherwise solve some kind of problem. Oh, the glamorous life!  Hey, at least it’s my Spanx and not some lesser form of undergarment exposing skin without a tan!

Since I don’t want to ruin my future book deal, I’ll save the real cringe-worthy moments and share one of my favorite PG bloopers (blooper is our politically correct word for “disaster”). 

I’ll set the tone for you; it was an absolutely gorgeous late summer day outside, perfect for a stroll. (Notice I used the word stroll and not run, remember that important detail for later!)  We had a huge team onsite for a beautiful wedding at a private residence and things were running smoothly. (Also an important detail for later... if it’s too good to be true, get ready because something is about to go down.) The bride and her gorgeous bridesmaids were getting ready inside the home the bride grew up in as the sunshine poured in through the windows. If this was a screenplay, the birds would be chirping, and someone would be baking fresh cookies.  That may be a little dramatic, but you get the point.  

I stopped to check on the bride and her maids to see if the ladies needed anything, and to make sure hair and makeup was still running on schedule. All was well, but as I was walking away, I heard the words that started it all, “BBbbeettttsssyyy, I need your help!”  The mother of the bride told me she thought some of the bridesmaids’ dresses looked a bit wrinkled and asked me to give them a "quick steam."  This is the sole reason that I now include “getting all wedding party attire to the cleaners to be pressed” on a pre-wedding checklist.

I can still remember the beautiful soft blue silky fabric of the dresses like it was yesterday.  The mother of the bride took me to her elaborate quilting room and showed me an ironing board and an expensive iron that was already plugged in. I thanked her, then hung the first dress on the door and turned the iron to it's steam function. The MOB scurried back downstairs and left me to press and fluff.  In the upright position, I centered the iron on the skirt portion of the dress and pressed the steam button.  Instead of a puff of steam, out came rusty water that looked like the color and consistency of sewage.  Insert racing heart, swear words you didn't even know existed, and utter freaking disbelief.  I set down the iron in time to hear the mother of the bride coming back up the stairs.  With cat-like reflexes, I hung the dress on the backside of door, grabbed another dress and pretended to smooth the creases with my hand as if the fabric was just post-steam. "How's it going? Do they look better?" she asked me.  "So much better!" I calmly responded, swallowing down the rising stomach bile and wiping sweat from my brow.  "I'll bring them down in just a few minutes.”

As soon as the mother of the bride left me alone again I got on our radio and said to our team, "If you don't have an earpiece in, turn off your radio immediately." I counted to 10 and then continued, "Becca, I have a HUGE emergency upstairs! Get the kit, a large bottle of Perrier from the fridge, and meet me upstairs in the house NOW." Becca didn't ask a single question. She just responded, "10-4." 

In record time with supplies in hand, Becca arrived upstairs. "What. Is. Wrong?" she could barely utter after making the 400M uphill dash from the tent to the house in the hot afternoon sun.  There was no lovely weather strolling, this girl sprinted in some serious heat!  I flipped the door around and showed Becca the hanger with the stained dress.  Still out of breath, she gasped.  Without missing a beat, I quickly told Becca I had a plan and just needed her to pretend to steam the rest of the dresses and distract the mother of the bride if she came looking for me.

I took the stained dress, bottle of Perrier, and box of Shout wipes, and knocked on the bedroom door across from the craft room.  The girlfriend of bride's brother was staying in that room and she was a little speechless when I said, "can I please come in?"  Without waiting for an answer, I barged in, closed the door, showed her the dress, gave her the cliff's notes version of what happened, and asked if I could hide in her bathroom and perform dress surgery. 

Stained dress on the far right! Can't tell, can you?!  | Photography by Rylee Hitchner

Stained dress on the far right! Can't tell, can you?!  | Photography by Rylee Hitchner

The next twenty minutes went something like this: rinse, dry, swear, repeat.  Okay who am I kidding; swearing was almost continuous for 20 minutes but who's counting? I used an entire bottle of large Perrier, a Costco stock's worth of Shout wipes, and burnt the motor out of a hair dryer in this makeshift bathroom process of stain removal.  By the time I was done, there was just the faintest ring of discoloration on the fabric from all the processing.

I had Becca get the owner of the dress and bring that bridesmaid to my hiding room so I could explain what happened.  This bridesmaid was so incredibly sweet and understanding! She said, "Let's not tell the bride or her mom. This will just be our little secret."  Then she proceeded to strip down right in front of me to put on her dress.  I am pretty sure I had the look of a teenaged boy seeing boobs for the first time because she said, "I'm sorry, I'm a doctor and I forget normal people aren’t used to seeing people naked like I am."  I quickly apologize for my deer in the headlights look.  After my 60 minutes of a heart-racing, panic-inducing emotional roller coaster, the last thing I expected was to come face to face with a stranger's nipple but c'est la vie!

There really is no such thing as a flawless wedding day, but usually it makes for a good laugh after the fact if you’ve got a good team to help hide the bloopers! And in case you're wondering... yes, weeks later, we eventually shared this crazy story with the MOB over a delightful lunch and a lot of laughs.

Until next week!